so recently there is a topic that keeps going around in my mind.
i know some of you might thinks that it might be a little early for me to discuss about this topic but just a thought of sharing it .
what inspired me to write this post is because of a past fail relationship i have been through. although its had been more than half year from now but i have been wanting to say this.
how i feel throughout this relationship?
hmm..i once said i felt remorseful for having this relationship, but now when i think back, i do really grateful for having this experience. they said, every relationship shapes a women to become stronger. i could not agree more with this.
back in 2013, i am a girl who has very low sense of self esteem. i always think very lowly of myself. i found myself very incompatible. And definitely i do not have confident in myself. Till i met HIM. the one that changed my life forever.
He taught me to be strong. to have faith in myself and always inspired me a lot. He encouraged me, praised me and had always gave me positive energy. the time we spent together is nothing but happiness in everyday. i once really grateful to God for sending such a wonderful man into my life. he is smart, intelligent, outspoken, person with great mind. being in a relationship is all about learning from each other. And i do pick up a lot from him.
But unfortunately, good times always doesn't last long. Maybe i'm just not the person that he thinks who can finish the course with him. and so he left me. without asking for the real reason i have decided to let him go. it might seem like i do not care about the relationship or i do not appreciate enough to let him go that easily. but actually i do care about this than anyone else. but my believes is always that those who choose to leave, there is no point asking them to stay. never ask for reason why they left you, because the answer will never ever be what you expect to hear.
So the first week is hell. yes, HELL! nothing i can do but cry in bed everyday. i thought i could not live without him. but soon, i realize that i still got a life to live. So I've tried very very, extremely hard to pick myself up. i work like a workaholic everyday. i hang out with friends everyday.distract myself just to not think about him anymore. but the harder you try, the more you could not get him out of your mind.
its been a really hard time. and there are also times where i gone astray. i have friends who backstabbed my during that period and goes around helping me to share my story. it break my heart, but it also a chance to let me have a clear picture of who is indeed the true friend.
But thank GOD! all these had passed. time flushed away pain, what's left behind is memories. what makes me able to pull through all these shit is thanks to people around me.
been through all these makes me realize that i actually do have a lot of friends that cares about me more than i can imagine. and one more things i believed is that WHATEVER HAPPENS, YOUR FAMILY WILL ALWAYS BACK YOU UP. i am showered with a lot of loves and caring from tons of people.This strikes me that it is useless for me to still keep dwelling on sadness.
Now, my mindset has changed. i should be thankful for it. every guy that comes in and walk away from your life is to give you a life lesson. what he taught me before i still bear it in my mind. i practiced it everyday.
i am no longer the naive girl .I've learnt to think before i talk, to have confidence in myself, and also never look down on myself anymore. I've read a lot of books to help me change my mindset. what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Now that i saw him leading a happy life with his new mate, i am proud of myself because i can really let everything behind and bless him wholeheartedly.
And of course among all, i have learnt to appreciate every single little things that happened in my life. others see it might said i dramatize everything. but the fact is that i just want them to know that i actually appreciate a lot for what they have done for me.not only that, i also learnt that it is very important for me to always upgrade myself, physically and mentally and to be fit enough before i could actually start to love anyone else again. my learning journey is still a long way up ahead waiting for me. and everyday i am excited because i have never love my life like nowadays. not that now my life has no problems or what, but is that now whenever things happens, i know what i have to do, what i am suppose to do to solve the problems instead of just running away from problem . i will still get frustration and anger , but I've learnt not to release it on other people. they said that when you set your thought and mindset on the right track, you will feel happy and young everyday.
my heart was filled with hatred and sadness last time, blinded with negatives. this will never happens again. i promised myself.
Now, my everyday goals is to improve myself better and better and cherish everything that God has put in my life. And also, to laugh happily everyday. HAHAHAHA!!
(*sorry for grammatical error, that is one of the things that i am currently trying to improve =P .)
thank you for spending time to read
:)
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